Expectations
by lost9821
Summary: "When there was a time when I was truly happy and wanted to live a normal life, you were the one who dumped a pile of expectations on me. You were the one who wanted me to top in my year...And when I had topped the class, were you happy? No. You didn't even smile when I told you, you just said "Good", in an indifferent, bored voice." Angsty One-shot. A letter from Rose to Hermione.


To,

Hermione Granger,

Head of Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

_1."You don't have time to play, Rosie. One day, when you grow up, you would be just like your Mommy. And to become like me, you can't play. You have to study."_

But I didn't want to stop, Mom. I wanted to play because I was having so much fun. Yet your voice had an icy edge to it which scared me, so I agreed. I never went to the park from that day onwards and dutifully studied. Today, twenty years later, I wonder if I would have been a different person if I would have protested. I regret listening to you, Mom.

_2."How could you watch TV, Rose? How many times have I told you that you must work hard? Never watch it again. Ever."_

I felt a surge of anger at you, but then I thought that after all, you were doing this for my own good. So I did what you told me to do. I never played, I never watched TV, always studied. But I guess nothing was ever enough for you, was it, MOM?

_3."Go and study, Rose. It's the only thing you ever do and understand."_

And yet, when there was a time when I was truly happy and wanted to live a normal life, you were the one who dumped a pile of expectations on me. You were the one who wanted me to top in my year. I wanted to see you happy, Mom. I wanted you to be proud of me. I worked hard, even came second in the class, and then what? Nothing. Just disappointment on your face because I didn't come first in my year. I became who I was just because of your expectations, and instead of appreciation, all I got was your cold demeanor and your increasing disappointment.

_4."You don't understand, do you Rose? Today is such a tragic day and here you are, being so insensitive! You're reading a bloody book on your uncle's death anniversary!"_

You wanted me to be like that. And when I was like you wanted me to be, when I had topped the class, were you happy? No. You didn't even smile when I told you, you just said "Good", in an indifferent, bored voice. And dumped another pile of expectations on me: I was supposed to be social, polite, entertaining, humorous, attractive, fit, and basically flawless. I was expected to become a replica of you, mom. Believe me, I tried. But I didn't succeed. Because I was a normal human being. I was not bloody perfect and you never understood. I couldn't be humorous while being studious, I couldn't top without studying all the time. And I couldn't do that without becoming antisocial. And I couldn't become antisocial without becoming insensitive. All your expectations were contradictory, mom.

_5."Sometimes, I think that you don't have a heart, Rose."_

That's probably because you ripped it out of my chest and stomped on it, Mom. You were the one who crushed my dreams and aspirations ever since I was born. Merlin, I still remember the day I admitted to you that I want to become a writer. I remember the two minutes of deathly silence that followed. If you were a normal mom, you would have hugged me, encouraged me and would have been delighted. But all you said is, "No", in that impassive cold voice of yours. You may not know it, but that one word broke me then. It was almost as if I wasn't allowed to have a dream, to want something for myself. It was as if I was nothing but an expensive artifact that you wanted to be be perfect in every way, that you could show off. Or it was that you wanted me to be witty, charming and perfect, just as people think you are, so that I couldn't taint your reputation.

_6."You never feel anything, do you? You're just an emotionless little bitch."_

As if you're anything better, are you? Hell, the day dad left you, all you said was, "Good riddance", and left for work, as if nothing out of ordinary had happened. You were the reason I was a bitch! You were the person responsible for who I was then. And anyways, who were you to judge me? You were just a person who I called Mom, who lived in the same house as me, but other than that you meant nothing to me! I didn't know who you were! You were the selfish, arrogant bitch, not me! You were the one who cheated on dad, not me! You are the very reason I have lived my life in misery and I hate you. You do not know me.

_7."You're the biggest mistake of my life. I regret you, Rose."_

That's what you said to me on the happiest day of my life. The day my book got published and I became successful. I love writing because it gives me freedom to be me, something you never gave me. The truth is, you were jealous of me, weren't you? You were jealous because I finally got something right in my screwed up life. You've ruined your own life, yet you blame me for it, you punish me for it. You treat me like a mistake. Tell me, did I ever wrong you? Did I ever ask something of you? Did I ever do anything to deserve you treating me like this? No. In fact, I fulfilled all your expectations. But never were you satisfied, were you? I loved you, Mom, as every daughter loves her mother, which was why I tried, but you never did. You always resented me, although you didn't ever say it to me before this. You killed the love I had for you, and you couldn't expect me to worship the ground you stepped on after that. I had to live my dreams and you could not stop me.

It's been eight years since we've met, which was the day my book got published. You wrote a letter to me last week, asking me to meet you, and I wrote, "No". You asked me why I refused to meet you. I've just listed the reasons above.

I'm glad I made an identity for myself, away from your world. Your harsh words had inflicted extremely deep scars on me, but I am healing. This is my true opinion of you; this is how I've always felt about you. I hate you unconditionally, mom, and that would never change, and I would never want to ever speak to you for the rest of my life.

Never Yours,

Rose Weasely

Author of 'Expectations', A bestseller.

**A/N: So, that was my first fan fiction. Hated it? Loved It? Review! Criticize me, but no flames please. By the way, I don't hate Hermione. I just wanted to picturize her differently from how she is always portrayed: the golden girl of Gryffindor.**


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